Girls in High Places

Chapter Nine

She ignored the curious or bemused looks that came her way as she shivered between a heavyset black woman (who was trying not to sit too close) and an Asian man, who smelled like raw fish. The train was packed to capacity, many of its occupants glum to match the dreary weather outside. The rains had begun overnight, and Stacy had walked through it all, not even bothering to catch a cab or protect herself from the elements. Her tears had mingled with the cold shower, her gaze downcast as she made her way to the subway station and away from Michael.

She knew what she had done was cowardly, but the pain of having to listen to him say goodbye would have been so much worse. She just couldn’t deal with the knowledge that she’d never see him again, and running away had been her only, desperate, solution.

The decision had come to her after their final lovemaking…her arms wrapped around his slender waist as he pulled her close. She blushed at the memory of how well he had adapted to her ‘lessons’. He fumbled at first, embarrassed at times with that shy expression that warmed her heart. He had worried he was hurting her, always concerned about her safety as if she were a fragile rose that he was scared of shattering. In turn, she had reassured him with tender kisses and whispered words of encouragement, and it hadn’t taken long for Michael to learn the basics. As the saying went…the student will surpass the teacher and boy! Had Michael surpassed her expectations in more ways than one.

How could she forget the way he had taken charge and worshipped her body? The way he had whispered how much he wanted to protect her, while he trailed his lips over the bruises on her flesh? How could she forget the way he had sobbed into her neck as he finally lost his virginity? The way he had marveled at the passion infused in their communion and the wonder in those big black eyes that she could drown in so easily.

He whispered that he loved her when all was said and done, and Stacy couldn’t remember if she had said the same thing…not that it would have mattered as Michael had dozed off immediately after his satiated-induced confession. She had watched him sleep, soaking up every inch of that chocolate-toned skin and features as if hoping to memorize them for as long as she lived. She had noticed that up close, his face was laden with a few bumps - evidence of the phase most teenagers went through with skin conditions. She had caressed it tenderly all the same, loving how much character it gave to him. She brushed her fingers against his lips…those lips that could part to provide the most powerful and unique voice in the world…those same lips that had gotten her all hot and bothered as his kisses had become more confident and possessive.

She held his large hands to her chest and then brought them to her lips, kissing each finger in silent veneration, tracing each outline of his palms. With one final lingering look at a boy she knew she could never truly have, she had crept out of his warmth and back into the cold.

The tears began as soon as she shut the door behind her quietly and even Big Bill seemed to sense something was wrong, for he only gave a light nod of understanding as he bid her farewell.

It’s for the best, she thought to herself as the train pulled up to the next stop to let out a few more passengers. It’s much better this way.

Two teenage girls, a bit younger than she was, dashed into the train, laughing aloud and hardly caring for some of the annoyed looks that came their way. Ironically, one of them was holding a magazine that featured the Jackson brothers on the cover, and as if Stacy’s torture couldn’t be any worse, they began to talk about the concert last night, gushing over the boys especially the drop-dead gorgeous lead singer, Michael.

Stacy wondered how they’d react if she blurt out that she had slept with him last night. A dull sense of accomplishment and smugness filled her heart as she realized she had done something many of these girls could only dream of.

Pity that in a few hours he’d be on a plane to Chicago…and to another horde of fan girls who wanted a piece of him.

Anita would be a part of the chaos, and a small smile came to her features as she recalled her friend’s brazen decision to remain with Marlon despite whatever obstacle came her way. Stacy gripped the handles of her carryall bag, capturing her lower lip between her teeth in misery. She could never be as bold as Anita. Here she was…running back to her mother’s home, when she could have stuck around with Michael, despite Joseph’s warning. But who was she kidding? She wasn’t Anita and she could never be Anita. She was happy for her friend though, and wished her nothing but the best.

Eventually, the train pulled up to her stop, and she stepped out into the cold, blustery streets of the Bronx, where her mother had moved to just a few months ago. Standing beneath a steel awning, she looked through her purse to see just how much money she had to spare. In her haste to leave Kevin yesterday, she had only packed the clothes for the concert and her handbag. She was dismayed to find she had less than five dollars to her name, which meant having to walk all the way to her mother’s apartment at the other end of town.

“Well, Stacy,” she whispered as she looked into the weeping heavens. “Looks like God’s telling you something…I just have to figure out what the hell it is.”

She took a deep breath and with a heavy sigh of resignation, she dashed into the rain and made her way home.

__


Why did she leave?

“…move the boxes over there. For God’s sake, be careful! It’s got equipment in it!”

Was it something I did?

“…can we please make sure that the entire luggage is well secured? Thank you!”

I didn’t hurt her…did I?

“…goddamn it! I don’t care just get those fans away from the door! Michael? Could you do me a big favor and stop zoning out for just one minute? If you could help us…yes! I am on my way, Steve! Urgh!” Suzanne ran a frustrated hand through her hair, before turning back to the silent teen. “Michael? What the hell is wrong with you? Snap out of it, sweetie. We don’t have time for this.”

But she…she had liked it…she cried when she said she…she was…

“Michael?!”

“Can’t I think for one damn minute?!” he finally snapped sending the occupants of the room (many of whom were crew and staff) gawking at the unexpected response. They had never seen the usually polite and well-mannered young man this… well…irritated about something.

Suzanne got the message. “Well…um…why don’t we all allow Michael to think in private, okay?” She motioned for the team to leave the room before closing the door behind her quietly…only to open it again to stick her head in. “Just…if you could hurry up with your thinking, sweetie. Our flight leaves in less than an hour.”

She raced out again at the uncharacteristic glare she received and shook her head in disbelief. Great. Just what she needed this morning. Dealing with hormonal teenage boys with issues. It didn’t help that Marlon brushed past her with a thunderous expression on his visage and she grimaced as he stormed into his room and slammed the door shut behind him.

Wow. The day was kicking off to a fantastic start already!

“I’m gonna kill him,” Marlon was growling as he paced the hotel room restlessly, hardly paying attention to his morose brother. “Goddamnit, I’m not a kid anymore! He can’t tell me what to do! I am eighteen years old…almost nineteen! I should be living on my own for God’s sake!”

“Well, why don’t you?” came the low grumble from Michael as he sank further into the couch. If he could just think of why…

“Did he really have to embarrass Anita and I like that, huh? How dare he call security to carry her out?! She nearly kicked one of them in the groin, but that’s my feisty babe for you. Argh! Joseph drives me nuts!”

“Could you keep it down?” Michael finally snapped. “I don’t really care about you or Anita right about now, and besides, you know Joseph wasn’t going to allow her to come with us anyway. What’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is that I love Anita,” Marlon hissed. “She’s the first girl whose ever said it like it is. She’s fearless and I love that about her and I want to take her with me everywhere and who knows? I might end up marrying her.”

Michael, on any other day would have laughed at this logic, but as he stared at his brother’s pacing form, he realized that Marlon wasn’t kidding about this. It seemed almost comical. You couldn’t fall in love with a person in just two days…

Stacy…

…love was supposed to be a deep inbred emotion that took time to simmer before exploding into a more passionate and long term commitment type thing…

I love you, Stacy. I love you so much…

Oh, man…he had said that last night, hadn’t he? Maybe that was why she left after all! Maybe she didn’t feel the same way and he had freaked her out with his confession.

“Oh God,” he moaned and buried his head in his hands. Marlon, dragging himself out of his self-pity party, finally took notice of his brother’s miserable state.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“I blew it,” came the low groan. “I screwed up everything.”

“Not that it’s your first time doing so,” Marlon sneered. “What happened with you and Stacy? And please do not tell me that you didn’t do anything or I swear…”

“…we did…”

“…I’ll personally ship you to a whore house in Alabama and…what did you say?”

“We did,” Michael moaned, still covering his face. “We had…we…”

‘Had sex’ seemed too crude to him because it was nothing like any of the porn movies he had seen in the past, and yes…again he had thank his sneaky older brothers for this nugget of wisdom/knowledge. He had been grossed out by the rawness of the porn stars on the screen and couldn’t watch for very long. However, last night wasn’t like that. Last night had felt amazing…wonderful…magical. It was something he had to experience again, but not just with any other woman. He wanted Stacy. Needed Stacy.

Marlon wailed dramatically and fell to his knees, lifting his hands to the heavens. “Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! This moment in time should be commemorated!”

“What’s gonna be commemorated?” Jackie asked as he, Tito and Randy walked into the room.

Marlon, acting as if he was too moved with emotion to speak, dabbed his eyes with the back of his hand. “Our baby brother is all grown up.” He sniffled and made a crude gesture with his finger, something only the older boys could understand. Randy still looked a bit confused with it all.

Tito laughed. “Congratulations, Michael.” He patted his kid brother’s shoulder. “How was it?”

“Yeah, details, brother,” Jackie cajoled as he made himself comfortable on the bed. “Randy? Go find Joseph.”

“Why?” came the petulant reply. “I wanna hear what…”

“You’re still too young. Now get out of here before I kick your ass.”

Michael lowered his hands and eyed his brothers. The last thing he wanted to do was talk to them about anything. The pain was his to bear and he wondered if he’d ever get a chance to speak or see Stacy again. For a long minute, he looked at Marlon…his mind spinning with a wild thought. It seemed almost too impossible to assume it could work, but then again…

“Marlon?” he began, sitting up with earnest. “Is Anita still here?”

__


Mama said nothing as she stared at her shivering daughter now dressed in an old bathrobe while she sipped some of the hot soup she had cooked earlier.

She folded the laundry and sighed inwardly, wondering what the son-of-a-bitch, Kevin, had done to her now. Goodness knows she had told her daughter to leave that man many times in the past. Maybe this time she had really seen the light and was coming to her senses. She looked like an older version of her daughter, although the lines of age and stress from a tough life had etched themselves into her dark and pretty features. She was still in her late thirties and quite energetic. One could almost always find her dressed in a pair of comfortable old jeans, a blouse and a colorful headscarf over her head. To her neighbors and friends, she was simply known as ‘Mama’ or ‘Mama Jamaica’ for her outspoken nature.

“Where’s Cameron and Lisa?” Stacy asked. The tiny but cozy two bedroom apartment was silent except for the T.V which was currently showing re-runs of Soul Train. Her younger brother and sister, thirteen and ten respectively, were usually guaranteed to be in the living room dancing in time with those on the screen. Don Cornelius was Cameron’s idol and the boy would sometimes regale his family with his spot-on impersonations.

“Dey had ta git da paper for Mr. Ballacks downstirs,” Mama replied with that familiar Jamaican patois twang. “They be back for lunch and you see them agin.”

Stacy nodded softly. She finished her soup and rose up to wash the dishes, only to stagger a little as a dizzy spell washed over her. “Oooh…”

“Sit down, girlie,” Mama chided, rushing over to lead Stacy towards the couch. She had to shove aside her other children’s school books to make room, and making sure her eldest was settled, she sat on the edge of the ratty settee and dabbed her forehead gently. “You is gettin’ a fever, girl. Da’s what you git for runnin’ all out in da rain like dat.”

“I’m sorry, Mama,” came the thick whisper…which was soon followed by a choked sob as she buried her face against her mother’s chest. This was the comfort she needed after so long. Her agony over leaving Michael was now tenfold and she realized that she really was hopelessly enamored with the young man she had always worshipped from afar. Like Anita had said, even though they had finally gotten together physically last night, in her heart and mind, she had always loved him.

Last night had just been the final confirmation.

“There, there now, don’t you be cryin’ like dat,” Mama said softly, caressing her daughter’s head as if she were still a baby. “You is back home now, where you belong, eh? I is jus glad you ain’t goin’ back to that Kevin agin. If he come here, I call the police on him, you see.”

“Thanks, Mama.” She lay back on the couch, blushing a little at how childish it all seemed. Suddenly the shrill ring of the telephone had them glancing towards it in surprise. Mama didn’t get a lot of phone calls, so this was a rarity.

“Don’t pick it up,” Stacy whispered desperately, afraid that it was Kevin. “What if it’s…”

“He don’t know ma number,” Mama reminded her. “Might be da plummer. I need ‘im to fix da toilet anyhow.”

Still not convinced, Stacy sat up with her heart in her throat, eyes wide with fear as she listened to her mother speak into the device.

“Who dat?” she asked. “Huh?...yah, dis be Stacy’s mama. Who you be?...Mike…Michael…?”

Her heart skipped a beat. Michael?! Im…Impossible!

“…she don’t know no Michael…you ain’t no frien’ of that Kevin is you?...so you say, but I don…”

“Mama, I know who it is,” came the words laced with astonishment. Stacy held out her hand for the phone. “It’s for me.”

Her mother didn’t look convinced, but shrugged and gave up the device. “If you say so. Jus don take too long, girlie. I still pay them bills ‘ere.”

With her heart pounding so hard, Stacy was afraid she’d faint or collapse, she clutched the cream-colored handset to her ear, trying to control her trembling.

It couldn’t be him…it just couldn’t be…

“Hello? Stacy?”

Oh no! She slapped her hand over her eyes, her knees giving way as she sank into the chair. She must have said or made a sound because he continued quickly, his voice rushed and breathless as if being made to hurry up.

“Stacy, if it’s you, please listen to me. I don’t have much time and they’re telling me to hurry up…” His voice faded as he replied to someone in the background with an ‘I’m coming!’ before he came back to the line. “Stacy, please…I just wanted to say that…last night…I’m sorry if I made you mad. I know you don’t want to see me ever again and I got your number from Anita, so I hope you’re not mad at me…but please…please don’t be upset, okay? I couldn’t stand it if I knew you were not happy with me. I know I’m still not old enough for you…and I might have messed up a little last night but…” His voice wavered and when he spoke, it was filled with barely controlled emotion…as if fighting back tears of his own. “…last night was amazing to me, Stacy, and I’ll never forget that for as long as I live.”

She hitched in her sobs, unable to control the flood of tears that raced down her cheeks. She wanted to say something…anything to convince him that he wasn’t in the wrong, but the words were lodged in her throat and she couldn’t speak.

“What…what I said last night,” Michael continued, his voice now lowered as if not wanting whoever was with him to hear this. “I meant every word, Stacy. I know you might think I just said it in the heat of the moment, but I’ve never…I’ve never felt that way before…ever and I want to feel it again…with you…only you, Stacy. So please…don’t be mad at me…and don’t ever forget me. I’ll give Anita my phone number and my address…so maybe one day…one day you can come down to California…or maybe I can see you again when I come to New York…and…and…we’ll watch movies and dance again…just like we did before.”

His voice faded again as he replied to someone in the background. He came on, this time more frantic and desperate to get his message across. “I have to go, Stacy. My flight leaves soon…we’ll be in Chicago…and I’ll be thinking of you…I’ll never stop thinking of you…okay? I promise. I have to go…please say something to me, Stacy…something to show you’re not mad at me, please?” His voice broke. “Stacy…?”

“…Michael…” she began in a hoarse whisper, hoping he’d hear this before leaving. “Oh Michael…I love you so…so…much…”

“Stacy? What did you…?” The sudden and almost rude bleep and then dead silence had Stacy gasping in dismay. She pressed the keys on the phone frantically, as if hoping she could get him again by doing so. However, nothing happened. The phone was simply…

“…ah shoot,” Mama groaned from the kitchen. “I is sorry, baby girl. I trip over da phone cord. Hope yer didn’ miss anythin’ important, eh?”

Yes, Mama, was the miserable thought as she groaned and closed her eyes. I was still too chicken to tell him how I really felt before it was too late.